Start How You Want to Finish: A Real Talk with the Polites

Dedrick and Krystal Polite. Well, welcome to Marriage Therapy Radio. And I, like I said, I want to ask you questions that no one asks you, but I feel like the question I'm about to ask you, everyone asks you, which is is your actual last name polite?

Yes, that is my actual last name.

And does a common name. Does it come with the like a heavy burden? Does it come with the the need to be to deliver?

It does. And when I got married to Krystal, all her friends made fun of her because she is like the last person you say is polite. So, she got a little keychain that says polite as f or her friends got. It's a little her little keychain saying that I'm.

Very giving, right? I'm. I'm the biggest killer in the world. Very generous. But, polite was definitely, a cruel joke. They they say definitely. God played a joke on you. He would force this on you one way or the other when I got that last name plays. So it is because the first thing people ask is like, oh, are you polite? And I tell people, depend on the day and the person.

Yeah, I love it. I, I talk to clients all the time about the difference between nice and kind. Like, I think you can be nice, but not kind. I think you can be kind, but not nice. I think you can be neither. And I think it can be both. Yeah. Yeah. So I might be a little bit more in your, your category where I feel pretty strongly that I'm kind, but not nice. I will tell you the truth, and I will tell it to you with the like. Yes. Starkest reality you can imagine. But I will do it so gently. So there you don't.

That's it. That's me. Like I tell people, if you don't want to know the truth, you definitely should not ask me.

Yeah. What's that like for you, Dedrick?

Which aspect?

Well, being married to somebody who's going to. Who's going to bring it to you?

You know, it's actually refreshing. That's one of the things I love about her, because in a world where you have so many yes men and yes women and even have friends that will tell you what you want to hear, I needed someone that was going to slap me in the face with reality and be like, dude, you need to step it up. You need to do better. You're not, you know, don't you know what I mean? I needed that in in. She's provided that with me to me every day since we met 30 years ago.

First date I.

You you guys have been together for 15 years. How long have you been married?

Going on ten.

So, All right, so your first date, what was that?

Our first date was at Joe's All-American grill. It was actually a business meeting, right? We were both in my late 20s. And we sat down and, you know, think we're just going to lunch, the lunch date, and, she started grilling me with questions. What's your five year plan? What's your three year plan? Do you plan to stay in Boston? Are you an entrepreneur? She literally. I'm like, whoa, this feels like an interview. So I start grilling her back with the same question she's asking me, like, well, what's your five year plan? What are your goals? What are your ambitions? What do you really want? And again, most males men would be kind of maybe threatened by that.

Some, I guess we, were taken aback, but it was actually refreshing for me because it wasn't the norm. Right? You know, most first dates, you're like, you know, you still got the little butterflies and you're not being your true self. And honestly. But she got cut right to the chase. And I love that. Right? I was like, this is a woman who has, goals. She's driven, she knows where she's going. She knows what she wants, what she doesn't want. So we got her, on the table and the first date.

Yeah, we definitely, I, I tell people, when I was asking them questions like, what's your credit score? You know, any preexisting conditions in your family, any mental health issues? You know, first day, what are your goals through goals? What are some of your passions? What do you want to do that you're passionate about? Right. What would you do if you could do it every day and you do it for free? That's how I knew he loved real estate and he wanted to get into real estate. And I tell people, even when I asked him his credit score, it wasn't to disqualify him. It was to understand where he was right now with something that's super important with every couple, right?

Is knowing where you are financially. But it was more so to know how we needed to move, right? So if he had been like, yo, I got a 500, then I'd be like, okay, so first thing we'll do is do some credit repair. So it was never to be like, oh, I can't mess with you. You got like financially it was more so just say, okay, you got a 500 boom. Then we're going to hook up. We're going to get some credit repair. We're going to build from there to take us probably a year. That's how my mind work when I ask him, hey, do you plan on living in Boston forever? And he was like, well, no. I said, okay, because anyone planning on being with me has to be willing to move within the next year because I have goals and being here is not going to allow me to achieve them.

So it was more so, like I tell people, I didn't ask about what your favorite food was because I wouldn't plan on cooking it. I didn't ask about favorite color. And you know what drinks do you like? Because I don't drink. So none of that made sense to me, right? I really wanted to get to know him. And the the version that most people wait a year to get to know. I'm not a real person.

Not the representative.

Exactly.

Yeah. So presumably you'd done this before you'd been through dates before. Were you given the same kind of interview? Is that is that real? Like, did you or was there something different right away?

No. I knew, with Dedrick, I was going to marry him.

So, like, in five minutes in, in like it, like.

The moment I met him at the gas station, we met at gas station pump six. And we, he came up to me, he started talking and immediately when I heard his voice, I knew that this was the guy I had been dreaming about for like, ten plus years. I'd always dreamt about this guy. Never saw his face, never knew the relevance of him. But, couldn't picture his face. But I knew his voice and his body. So when he started talking, I just was like, Wow. So I was like, wow, this is this guy. So immediately after leaving the gas station, I called my best friend. I was like, well, you'll never guess what just happened. It's just like what I said.

Yeah, I just met the guy I'm going to marry. And she was like, I know you like I girl. And I had already been proposed to like four times and it's always been a no. So for me to say like, oh, this is crazy. I just met the guy. We're married. She was like, you see, I was like, girl, it is the guy who I've been dreaming about for, like, I've been dreaming about this guy for like ten plus years. I knew his voice. I knew his legs, I knew his arms. So I knew this was the guy God had put in front of me at this time. And this was him that I was playing on married I was supposed to marry. And so when we sat down, it was more so like, okay, let's figure out the attraction is there. We know that. Yeah. You kill him. You look good. Yes, we are attracted to each other physically, but I wanted to get to the part that most people don't for a year. In two years it. And then it becomes too late.

Well, when did you let him know.

That he was the guy that I was going to marry?

Yeah. Did you, like you said? Okay. Hey, by the way, just so you know,

No, you know, she played that that she loved me in bated breath.

When did you know?

Well, she asked me. She was like, When do you plan on getting married? Do you ever want to get married? How many kids you want on the first day? And I was like, I'm 28 at the time. I got a corporate job. I got a company car with a suit and tie I was doing. I just bought my first house, so I was doing well for myself. And I was like, man, wait, wait, I'm 60, 65. I might settle down. Cheese it. I was just honest with it. Like I didn't see myself settling down before I was 50, 60 years old. And like, she didn't fight it like most females are, like, oh my God, what's wrong with you? You're not marriage material. She said.

Okay.

And moved on, just like.

You know, had the conversation, right? Because she knew and I knew, right. What was for her was her. And we were. We were meant to be together.

So I just knew that so many women like to turn red lights green. And for me, just because of me and say I'll get married is 65, don't mean that's actually going to be when he is married. It means until he meets the woman worth marrying, that's where he is setting his sights on, right of settling down. So stuff like that has never bothered me, because I know that has nothing to do with me. If you say 65, I don't have a problem with that. That's your goal, right? If I say, hey, I want to get married at 35, that's my goal. I said I didn't want to be have kids before I was 30. That's what happened. I didn't have any kids before I was 30. So to me it didn't scare me off. But I didn't tell him he was the one. For. Probably till he proposed. Like.

Yeah, but it's about time you figured it out.

That's what it is. I never told them I showed him because when we first got together, when? Not before we got together, I actually told him he wasn't ready, for a relationship, and I sent him off, for a year.

Yeah. We first got together. I'm all ready to dive headlong into a relationship, but I was 28, 29, I wasn't mature, I wasn't ready for commitment. But I knew she was a good woman. Right? So I'm like, oh, I'm ready. Let's do this. Let's be serious. And she was like, no, you're not ready. I was like, what do you mean I'm ready to be committed? She's like, no, you're not ready. She's like, go have fun, live your life. You know, ride your motorcycle you just bought. She was like, go sleep with some other women. And I was like, what did you say? She was like, go. So you rode pretty much. And I was like, are you serious? I thought she was like, punking me.

Right? You know those MTV punks, right? Yeah, yeah. You know, a lot of women will do that. They'll they'll give a man a test. And depending on how he answered that test, I, I'm like, you know, she's like, no, I'm serious. And she literally stopped answering my calls. You just basically cut me off. And I was like, okay. And I just went and, you know, started doing my thing reluctantly, begging and screaming. Right. Was I, you know, every, every few months ago. So I would try to call her, get back in touch and she wouldn't answer my phone calls. And finally, about a year later, when I felt I was ready, I reached back out to her and she literally goes to me. She would not answer my calls.

I didn't go see him. I was already ghosting him, but I just it wasn't a year yet like he was at like ten months and he was trying to come back and I said, a year in that year ain't up. So when he did, he caught me because I worked three jobs at the time and I had no children or anything, but I was super driven. I had a nonprofit, I had my own business, and I still work three jobs. So he caught me at like three in the morning.

Called a randomly, drunken night.

I just got home from working, like my second job. I worked at the TD gardens, and you know, you're there late at night for basketball games or concerts. I'll get home at like two. I'll go to sleep until like 630, get up to go to my day job. And he called me at like the I did. I answered by accident because, you know, somebody call you at that time, you think it's an emergency. So I just scramble the phone up and I'm like, hello? And he was he was like, I had been trying to get a hold of you for. And I'm like, that's when I looked at it like, who is this? And I was like, oh, hey, hey, how you doing? And he was like, hey, I've really been wanting to talk to you. I said, okay, it's it's little late.

And it turns out she started dating someone else. In the interim.

But like I told him, I didn't say I was going to wait for a year.

I was like, that poor man.

You know what I'm saying? I said, go off and live your life. And if you still want to be with me in a year, we can revisit this, come back and we'll revisit this. Why? Because I knew he wasn't ready. Under no circumstances could I have made him ready then.

Yeah, we would have crashed and burned.

Absolutely.

Of course.

And totally. I was mature enough to understand that. And I wasn't going to force him to be where I was because I knew. But it just made things worse. And I also know me. And when you know me yourself, you can't lie to yourself. I'm not the type of woman who you can just play in my face, right? And me understanding that and know who I am. I knew that you can't come back to me. You can't come with me and me. You all of a sudden is us. I know you're not ready to be in a relationship. I know you're about to cheat all over the place because you're trying to stay committed to me. And then I just continue to take it, like, okay, well, don't do it again.

Only really going to be over this time. That's not me. And I knew where I was headed in life. So I just said, listen, go off and live your life for another year. You got to get a lot of stuff out of your system. And that's okay. I'll be here if you want to revisit this in a year, just come back in a year and we'll have a conversation. Now, when he did come back, I told him on the phone when he woke me up at three, four in the morning, I said, let's do like just call me at a normal time tomorrow.

So he hasn't been able to get rid of me since then. Since that day.

He literally we, we had we set up a lunch date and from that lunch date forward, we have been together.

That's amazing. I, I don't want to talk about this guy, but what about that poor fella that you were dating at the time? Did he know that he was just a placeholder?

Placeholder. Total placeholder.

Yeah. And it wasn't anything, like, serious. It was just. I'm casually dating while, you know, I'm waiting. Not. And not waiting for him, but I was. I knew eventually he'll come back around.

So he thought you. With the way. He's all heartbroken. I followed.

Up, but it was casually dating, so it wasn't like we were in a committed relationship or anything. It was just us going out on dates, things of that nature. So for me, I'm very upfront. I'm very honest. He knew that, I was not looking for a relationship with him. I'm very, anyone who knows me knows. And it was. I am brutally honest. So I believe in setting those expectations upfront. I don't believe in playing in anyone's faith, or they're playing with anyone's heart. And I like to tell people our wedding. And just to show proof of that, our wedding had like three of my exes at it.

All right.

And I tell people they're like, what? You're my ex. Cut the drinks, hair, my brother's hair, the groom's hair. Like, why? Because I build upon the friendship before the relationship. And when the relationship ends, the friendship supersedes it. Because we had a friendship first. So that's why I believe in being upfront and honest with people. And I tell people, if you are single and you have an understanding with an individual and it's like, hey, we're both single, we're just getting to know each other. I'm not expecting you to be committed, but have that conversation. So one person and, and the other person is kind of in lust or like, so I, I was always brutally honest with everyone, including Dedrick.

So, Dedrick, you're so you're hanging out for a year, you're doing your thing. You're living your life.

Yes.

When do you know? How do you know that Krystal's the. What do you figured out in like, do you know also at the at the first lunch to take you six months. Is it does it take you getting drunk in the middle of the night and realizing, hold on, what am I doing? And so you call I mean, what is your what's your side of that same equation?

I knew from when I first met her again at the gas pump that she was the one that I was going to marry. I just knew I wasn't ready, right? I wasn't ready to admit that I wasn't ready because she kind of pushed me to that. I was like, she was right. But then she she showed me as well through her actions. So a couple months into us dating, I got fired from my job. So I'm fired. I'm laid off. I got a mortgage to pay. I just bought a brand new car, just bought a motorcycle, got all these bills, and I just got fired. I'm like, all freaking out, depressed. How am I going to pay my bills? Am I going to get foreclosed?

And she saw the condition I was there. You know, I'm depressed, you know, moping around the house wearing the same clothes. And she finally was like, all right, sat me down. I was like, you need to snap out of this. I'll let you wallow your misery for a few weeks. She's like, forget that job. You didn't lose a job. They lost you left them. You got to really sit down and focus on what has God ordained you to do? What are you passionate about? Don't worry about your bills. I'll help take care of the bills. And we had just started dating. And I was like, are you serious? And she gave me this pep talk and she gave me a whole new lease on life. I'm looking like doomsday scenario. And after she spoke to me and spoke life into me, I was like, Man? She just turned everything around like, this is the woman I need to be with. So. Yeah.

And then she broke up with you for a year?

No. That. Was that for you, though? Yeah, that was before. So once we.

Got it, right now we're back together. And now we're.

Good. Yes.

Okay. Got it.

Yep.

So that's like whatever. 15 years ago, ten, ten, 15 years ago. You've lived a lot of life and then you've had you've had children. You where they.

We have two kids, two sons, 11 year, 11 year olds, year old. Excuse me. And a seven year old.

What? What are they? Who are they? What do they like?

Oh, yeah.

Literally stuff.

So I like to say one of them is like Daedric and then one is like me. And it's the weirdest thing. So the mama's boy, is like daedric, and the daddy's boy is just like me.

Opposite.

Total opposite is, they are both super competitive, die hard competitive. And it don't matter if it's drinking water, but I'll drink water out, drink each other. Just drinking water. Very athletic, extremely smart, intelligent kids. And I say they definitely got that from their father, as well. But they're extremely intelligent kids. Too smart. I'm. Because then I'd be like, bro, we're not about I'm not about to go back and forth with you on it. Just get up and go get in the shower, because my youngest is like me and he is, a lawyer at heart. And I tell him, because that's what I want it to be growing up. And that's what I went to school for until I changed my major was law, and I wanted to be a lawyer my entire life. And now I see that in him because everything is a debate, everything. He comes back with such quick rationale behind any situation. So he,

I let the seven year old talk me into doing something I said I wouldn't do.

Right, like it is crazy. And both of them are super competitive, athletic. So we are every weekend we're in a different state, play and travel basketball and travel soccer, baseball. So whatever it is, where typically our weekends are like this on with them. And I love it because I tell people, you have 18 summers with your children. That's how I like to look at it. 18 summers before they're off on their own. So every moment with them is a blessing. And I tell people that's true. Generational wealth. When you can get older and your kids still want to be around you when you're going to 6070 and they still want to make sure they're coming home, that is what generational wealth is.

Yeah, I feel that. I have two daughters. They're 18 and 22. And for about I want to say about ten years, our parenting philosophy has been we want to be in a in a friendship with our adult children. Yeah. Like we really want to be connected to them as adults because again, I think people don't realize this, but you'll have more time. Parenting your kids when they are adults than you will parenting your kids when they are children. Yeah. You get, so I mean, we've been really investing in like the 18 plus years we'll have with them and their spouses and their children and, and whatever else. And but yeah, I'm staring at it right now like, my kid is 18 and this is our this is our last summer. I've already sent one to school, and it's, it's rough, man.

It's like it is okay.

To be empty nest. It's it's also a deal.

But it's also time. Like, I think people like you guys are like, seven and nine. I can't imagine them leaving. And I'm like, I can imagine it. I've lived. We've we've got they've spread. They're starting to spread their wings. They're doing their thing. It's time for them to go and do their thing. So I think that they've come to that. I like asking people about their kids because here's what I want to know. If I asked your kids about you, I said, hey, tell me about your parents. What do you think they would tell me?

That's a great question. I.

Know they say, but I say, what's it like growing up in their house? What's their marriage like? What's their relationship like? They may not have words at seven and nine, but like, what do you think they'd say?

Ours would definitely have words. I think what they would say is, my mom and dad works a lot, and it kind of shocks us how much, even with working, they stop everything for us, so they don't miss a beat for anything. Anything that has to do with schools. I think they would definitely say my mom and dad is.

Work.

Hard. They work hard, but everything is always about us and getting us to where we need to be and whatever we want to do. They would definitely say my mom is the one not to play with. Definitely. My mom is the tougher one because I am tougher on them and I'm just tougher general when it comes to just my. How would you say my persona know? I'm I'm a softy in heart. Inside my exterior is hard to the core, but you have to be because I'm. I have such a big heart.

You have a huge heart.

And everyone knows that. So, they would definitely say my dad is the cool one. My dad is, you know, I think for them, they say, you know, my family, I think they would also say they we all love to my parents love to vacation. We love taking trips, especially their father. Anytime he can get a trip planned or vacation planned for his, he's all for it. So I think they would definitely say they grew up on planes and vacations and stuff because we do as a family. So I think what they would say we've instilled is, a hard work ethic. Right? They've been they grew up in the business that we're in. And we did that intentionally, so that, you know, one day we'll we're called home.

Everything that we built for them, doesn't get sold out from the, from under is the moment our body hits the dirt. Right? They understand what hard work it took us to get to where we're at, and they appreciate and respect that. So I think they would definitely say, I think they definitely say my mom is the loud one, though, you know, especially at games, I'm a whole different person. You see, we,

We know where we get there. We know where do they get their competitiveness from?

Yes, yes. Hands. Yeah.

Yeah. I, I asked you guys to fill out a form beforehand. It sounds like, like I'm just listening to go a guy. You guys have got it all figured out, and you you. I'm just listening. And I'm kind of in awe of the story. And also, you have spent some time in couples therapy. And what was that story for you? What was that like? What did you learn or what what what did that add for you?

Yeah. So when we first started dating and when we decide we want to be committed, she was like, we need to go to couples therapy.

So we were in two months and we're about two months into date.

This is before this is after the year or before the year.

After the year.

After a year? Yeah. After the year. So once we hit, I sent him off and he came back and we said, okay, we're going to do this, just you and I.

Okay.

Two months into that relationship, around the same time he got laid off. Yeah. Got fired. I tell him couples therapy.

And I'm like, you know, my community. And where I come from, we don't do therapy, right? It was like, you're crazy. If you have to sit on somebody's couch and tell your problems on God, you don't even get that. It was a it was a definitely a stigma attached to it. And I was like, no, we're not doing that. She was like, if you want to be with me and we're doing it and are you're still.

In we're still in Boston at the.

Time. Still in Boston. Yeah. I went kicking and screaming. I'm like this. Sure you're sure? I'd better cover this because I ain't paying for no therapist. And we go and we sit on the couch and by like the second or third session, I'm like, telling him everything, right? I'm like, well, she does this. I don't like she does that. And she's like, I thought you didn't want to do therapy. What are you telling the lady all this stuff? Right? It I got my cue cards of communication. I'm like, remember what we said in therapy is I'm all into it. But, it definitely helped our relationship because we both were raised by single parents. My mom raised three kids.

Her mom raised four kids by themselves. So we didn't see. We never saw a healthy marriage from the inside out, done the right way. So she was like, look, if we want any chance of being successful, we need to go to therapy because we've never seen it done right. Without that against the reason we still together to this day is because we went to therapy at the beginning.

Yeah. And we've continued therapy throughout because, you know, therapy is like a tutor, right? You want to get it when you don't need it. And not when you have to have it at that point. So for me, it was like, look, I love all the good TV show, The Cosby Show, one of my favorites. I love Family Matters.

From.

Growing Pains. I love all them family shows. But that wasn't a reality, for us. And I told him, yeah, we've never seen it done right. And to make sure we know how to communicate, we're going to couples therapy.

Okay, so now I have another question, which is this is one of my hip pocket questions. I asked clients this all the time, as far as you know, right now, in 2025, do you have a philosophy of marriage? Like what? How a marriage works. And I'll tell you where this is coming from. You've already admitted we didn't get it from our parents because we didn't actually see them together. We didn't get it from TV because what we saw was made up and, you know, fantasyland. So actually, you did get it from your parents and you did get it from TV, but it wasn't sustainable. It didn't work. And then you had to. Then you went to therapy and you started to kind of sort some stuff out. And here you are.

You got you've done your time. Have you, have you formed now a philosophy of marriage that, that you are understand and can articulate to each other, to your kids, to your community? Like what would that be?

I would definitely say two things that I tried to base our relationship on that is carried into our marriage. So a lot of people start working on the marriage. In the marriage, I did it. I started working on our marriage when we were dating. So that's why it was such an easier transition for us for with the counseling. And one of the first things are, before the marriage is and I try to give this advice, everyone, my philosophy is to start how you want to finish, And when I tell people that, it really sums up, no matter what you're doing in life, no matter where you are in life, whether it's, marriage, a job, school, it don't matter.

Start how you want to finish. I started our relationship. I our first date being intentional. I started our first date being forthcoming upfront. Because that's how I want us to finish. I started with us being friends right when we got together, and I sent him off. It was building a friendship with him. Building, trust with him. So when we first got together, we were still friends, and we communicated like friends. We laugh like friends. And when he was dating other women, he told me about it. I would make sure he was very upfront and honest with me about girls. And he could talk to me like a friend. And guess what? Had you ever heard about it since?

No.

It's never came back up. It's never been to the point where I've ever thought about what? Well, remember when you told me you were with Nini and y'all went out? And I've never done that right? Because I built upon our friendship first and my second. Velocity's always been to find out early on if you have a teammate or an opponent in that marriage, if you can find out whether or not this is a teammate or an opponent that will help you transition into what type of marriage you actually have, a lot of people are married to opponent.

Everything is trying to one up each other. Everything is a tug of war. When dad and I sat down in the beginning, right. We wanted to know. I wanted to know. Is our vision aligned? Are we going in the same direction? Are you an entrepreneur? Because I was a die hard entrepreneur and so many people come up to us now saying, hey, I can't get my wife into this business. What do I do? What do I do? You've been together ten years. What conversation did you have when you were dating? Well, we never really talked about it. Well, how long have you wanted to be an entrepreneur? My whole life. I knew it my whole life. So it wasn't important enough to bring up to her, to see if she would have been on the same page.

So now she don't understand. Why are you trying to spend 50,000 on a business and you want it? You come to us for, counseling. We're not about to do this with you. For me, I want it to know that up front. Right? I wanted to know, are we equally yoked? But mentally, are we compatible as well? Our vision is aligned, goals are aligned. And I understood I had a teammate in him, early on, not an opponent. This is someone who I know complement my strengths and weaknesses and vice versa. So when I didn't when I couldn't put in 100% and I could only put in 40, he can back me up 60. And days that he couldn't put in, 100%. He can only put in, 60. I backed him up 40 because I tell people marriages are not 5050. And if you marry, you know that.

Every day it should be 100 per 100. Now, every day. We're not going to had that to put it. So we're there to make up for each other's losses for that day. There's days I'm going to be down. He's going to see that and put in a little bit more and be okay with that, because he's a teammate and not an opponent who's now like, why aren't you like, come on, where are you? Can still do it. Come on. You like that? Well, I got to be the one to help you. So I think if you can understand, to start the relationship how you want to finish and then understand, do you have a teammate or opponent but do it in the relationship, the beginning stages? Don't wait till marriage if you wait till date is too late in my opinion.

Yeah. What do you think Derek is that? Do you share that philosophy? Do you have your own, twist on that?

Yeah, I always say, Chris, look, I write a book about relationships, a marriage, because she just seems like the Whisperer when it comes to that. But, Yeah, mine's one of my philosophy is being equally yoked. Right? Like you mentioned, crystal. You know, you got to be headed in the same direction if it's two people to have totally different goals, totally different outlook on life, that's really going to be tough to make that work. You don't have to be identical. Like, oh, she's this, that, like, we're identical, but, you know, 70, 80% of what you guys are into are your goals, your dreams and aspirations should be aligned in the similar direction. That's one thing I think respect is key. Respect, communication is also key long term. And like Crystal said, just being a friend, like respecting that person, not just as your spouse or your wife or your husband, but as a friend.

Enough to tell them the truth. I think those are some of my key philosophies.

Do you, so, you know, to as busy as you guys are, I've looked in, and I kind of saw a man you guys are doing. You're all over the place, and then you got your kids, and they're demanding your, you know, your weekends and soccer and all this stuff. How what do the two of you do to stay connected to one another? Do you have rituals? Do you have patterns? Do you have certain kinds of disciplines that help you maintain this relationship? Focus in the midst of all the crazy town that you're also dealing with?

Oh yeah. So Dedrick actually is really, really great with this. We have regular date nights. And they're typically stuff that like comedy shows, concert. So we have regular date nights. We're going to try different. We're both foodies, so he'll always pick a different random restaurant that he's just heard about and we'll go there. So we are we do make sure that we nurture our relationship just as much as we nurture everyone else who's connected to us. We also make sure, like during the week, even during business, I start it where on Wednesdays, he and I have breakfast. First thing in the morning, like, right after we drop the kids off to school, we'll start to pick a just a different restaurant. And we'll go and we'll have breakfast. We'll talk about us.

We'll talk about the business where we're at. And that's also something that makes sure that throughout the week, because that typically works in the office. I work from home. That's very intentional. Yeah. No. So I think it gives us also such a healthy balance, for us. And we're not all on top of each other, all day, every day. So when we come home, it's kind of like, okay.

Which one of you is more likely to skip work and, like, create something playful for the other?

I'm more likely to skip work because I'll go golfing. I'll go get a massage. I'll go hang out, write the creative one to create something new. Is her like, oh, she plans birthday parties or she plans events for our kids like it's an anything. It's a production. So she's the creative one like that.

Yeah. So I yeah, I would probably be me.

It sounds like you guys have learned a lot from each other, as you've kind of grown older and, and gained, momentum and experience, have you had to unlearn anything?

Yes.

Yeah. Having unlearned, be it. Right. The need to be right. I think that's just a marriage principle in general is, you know, even when you're right, sometimes you're wrong. Right. So those are times you got to let your spouse are like, all right, you won the battle. This is about the war, right? You got to stay married. So I let you think you you look.

At you, right.

Pick and choose your battles.

Yeah. I think for me, I had to unlearn being, There's a such thing as being too strong. Right? So I came from a single mother, single parent. My mother was the mother and the father. So my mom, it was the epitome of strength. Like super alpha, very strong woman. And that's what I saw growing up. So I saw a woman who did everything, like, put beds together, put furniture together, move, eight, nine times, like get working 2 or 3 jobs, like every single day and never complain. Always had a smile on her face. Still had time, for us. Never took vacations like. But made sure we took vacations. So I saw that strength in her.

And then when we got married, in my mind, I had to do that too. And I it took me a while and did it constantly, saying, like, you do know you ain't a single parent. Like I didn't realize until I had my second child in the, recovery room that Dedrick never changed diapers of the first one, because I didn't let him. I didn't lady to me. Then when he came, my second one came on that he was like, okay, so what am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do again? Like how I changed? Like I said.

I knew how to change diapers. I didn't know how to swaddle. Swaddle.

That was not a swaddle. It was a diaper change.

You wrap the little cloth up around.

That was not a fun.

I didn't say.

It was a diaper change. And he ask right then he was like, no, I'm just saying I just forgot, like I said.

You, you.

You ain't never changed that. But he was like, baby, you really never let me like.

You let anyone touch our first son. He was hers.

So I was like, oh, and he's.

Who is he? The mama's boy. The first son is the mom. Yeah.

The second one is the daddy's boy.

Me? Yeah.

But I told dad. Look, in all fairness, I said I did not make him a mama's boy. He came out of hats to me. Dad kept saying, no, no, you made him like that. You made him like that. I said, I promise you, I did so when my second one came out, immediately upon coming out, it was all about that. He gravitated. He gravitated to him immediately.

Maybe it's hereditary.

Still gravitates to him. He'll come. We'll both come through the door that way and run past me. Give daddy a jump on him. Enable you to mommy and back and give me a kiss. And I'm like, bro, okay? I only had you lay and carry you. But he saw that it really wasn't anything I did because the second one came out completely stuck to Dedrick, glued to his hair.

Yeah, I love that. To your earlier point about having to give up being right, I have a therapy mentor and he says the answer to who's right and who's wrong is who cares.

Right? That's a good one.

Who cares?

You need to make sure you say that every single time he is that.

You care about always being right.

I know, that's why I said you got to be the one to say.

What's next for you guys? What's your what's your what's your three year plan? What's your five year plan. What's what's, what's happening for you?

What's next? The next phase. When real Estate Bowie bought a franchise, Crystal's dream was, is to own a chain of family entertainment franchises because she's huge on families getting together, making memories, having fun. So in a process, building out a 40,000 square foot sky zone trampoline park in our town. So we're looking for a location right now for that. That's what's next. Marriage wise, family wise is, just creating more memories. You know, everybody goes to work and does their business stuff. But for me, you know, you live life for the weekends and the vacations and those memories where you can unplug from, you know, the daily grind and really just spend time with your loved ones and with your wife or your husband and your kids and make lifelong memories.

Yeah. And understanding like you know what? Our kids, what do they want to do now? Right. Our kids and being able to foster their dreams. And I always tell parents, sometimes you have to put yours on pause or on hold to make sure that your kids have dreams. And for us, for me, it's also about, you know, making sure that they do everything that they like to do that we can, you know, support them. And they want to do a YouTube channel. So we're, doing their YouTube channel with them. And, for us, it's more so about business wise really building out now the franchises for me. So I like to tell people this because when we got together, real estate was during that year I wanted to get into real estate. Everything he talked about was real estate.

He just didn't take action. He. So then I was like, bro, we're not going to keep talking about this. So I ended up doing research. I ended up starting our LLC, which forced him to be like, oh, okay. Well, we I guess we doing it. Yeah, we doing this now. But what.

I needed.

It was his dream. So I wanted to support that and be like, you know, we're not going to. That's why that first date was so important. Because I asked him, what are you passionate about? What do you want to do? It was real estate. So I always knew in the back of my head, that's something we're going to end up doing because he said, this is a passion of his. So we got into it. But he said, you know what's mine? Mine is I want to own, family entertainment centers. He said, okay, so when we got into real estate, he said, listen, we can take the money from real estate to and then invest into your dream. And I said, okay, bet, let's do it. And that's what we did.

That is, sticking to the plan. And years two, three, four years later, we're now pivoting, still doing real estate, but now we're incorporating my dream as well. So always making sure that couples understand that your dreams don't have to be the exact same. Right? As long as you have a plan on how to execute them and how.

You both can live out your dreams.

That's all that matters.

Well, and as long as both of you are fans and supporters of the other's dream, there you go.

Really critical to absolutely whether you understand it or not. Like, I didn't know anything about real estate, but I learned and I was at them conferences and I would that trainings, at seminars and everything else. Right. Would a woman know book and my pen and I'm okay. Okay. So there you go.

Yeah. They're in there to build it without her.

Absolutely.

I love it, I love it. So, you got a trip coming up. Where are you going next?

We got a bunch of chips coming at it.

The whole summer is,

A whole summer is is nothing but trips. So we're. I don't think between. May they get out of school May 23rd. Good.

And we don't get out till we don't get out till, like, June the 22nd or something, like.

Oh, yeah, a month or month earlier. So from May to when they go back to school, we're going to be gone almost every week doing something with the family.

Yeah. And I think you come.

In to Seattle.

We were supposed to go to a conference out there, but it would have taken too many days with the schedule and.

Oh, that's right, that's right. Yeah.

We're supposed to go to Oregon.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But we had to make it out there. If.

You do, you make it out here. It let me know. I'll take you to a restaurant, we'll get some foodie experience. And, we'll feed you. And, I just I've so enjoyed talking to you. I have a smile on my face the entire time, and, I'm just. I hope that we can stay friends. And I want to hear about your kids YouTube channel. So we can make sure that everybody knows how to how to watch it and keep up with these two. These two? What what what would they be? Young entrepreneurs or young?

Yeah, absolutely. Young entrepreneur. We call them polite boys.

Yeah, I appreciate them. Right back. Thank you for having us on. On the show.

Yeah, yeah. Of course, any time.

If you ever come to North Carolina. Right. I'll be back. Make sure you hit us up.

I'll be back. I'm going to, I don't know when, but I try to get back to Roanoke about once a year. Just because, you know, of course, my parents are aging and they're doing their, doing their whole thing. I have a feeling I have to get back there a little bit more often, because they're getting into their 80s now, and, it's a weird time. It's a weird time when you think about, you know, part of why I want to be in an an, an adult friendship with my kids is so that when I start to fall apart, they don't resent having to take care of me. Right? Yeah. They're not like, I'm not taking care of that guy. They're like, yeah, of course it's my turn, you know? Yeah, I sort of feel like that about my parents, you know?

Absolutely.

Yep. Absolutely. That's how it is. I'm telling you tonight, my mother, she knows she's good, she's good. Good. And I tell people, you know, my father, that's another one. That's another story like this.

Yeah.

Right. Yeah, yeah. You you make sure that parents make sure that you take care of your children when they're young and not so mean. Give them everything they want, because that's not parenting, but, teaching them. Right? We all understand now, as we got older why parents had to do what they did. And when they is their time. Like my mother said twice a child, once an adult, when it comes back around, it's it's you let you relish in the fact that you're able to give them a little bit of what they were able to do for you.

Yeah. You know, it's also really cool for me too, is to watch them. My daughters right now, you know, you try to beat these less not be. But you try to like, instill these lessons into their head their whole life. And they're like, what do you know and who? And I'll figure it out and leave me alone. And did it. And now they're starting to kind of quote me back to me, but it's not from me.

Like I know that's from.

Like like I know I'm like yeah right. Yeah. But I always tell people I'm never once, never once in my life have I ever learned to anything before I was ready to learn it like, yeah. So you know when I'm trying to get them to why don't you learn this. Why don't you learn this. They're just not ready. They're not ready when they are ready. And they do learn it. It's so edifying to have it come back and go, okay, cool. All right. We just.

We created the right container. Got that from.