Love After Losing Limbs with Kristan & Brook Seaford

Well, thanks for coming on. I'm excited to talk to you guys. You have a pretty incredible story. It sounds like. Do you want to give us a Cliff notes real quick?

Sure. We had a pretty catastrophic or I had a pretty catastrophic health issue back in 2013. I got strep throat and the flu at the same time, and pretty quickly that it turned into pneumonia. And then the strep bacteria got into my bloodstream, which is called sepsis. And once any infection is in your bloodstream, then it's, it's not a great prognosis. And so basically then the bacteria attacks all of your organs and kind of kills them one by one. And that's exactly what happened to me. And so I went into septic shock. And so long story short, after, 108 days and six different hospitals, I came home again to my family. But I was changed forever because I had lost my hands and one foot, and then part of the other foot.

And so the reason that I ended up losing my limbs is that one of the medications they gave me is known to sometimes steal the nutrients and the oxygen from your limbs to bring it to the middle of your body, where your organs.

Sure.

Sure. And so the same medicine that saved my life, in effect, killed my hands and feet. So that's that cliff. Cliff notes.

That's the, that's the headline, but it's probably not the whole story. I mean, you've guys then have had to adapt. You you sort of signed up for one thing, and you ended up with something else. And, you know, Brooks, what is that been like for you? How do you describe your version of that same life changing chapter?

Yeah, that's an interesting question because we had been married for ten years, and the second.

Now was.

This is found out 1112. So that's 12 years maybe. Yeah, 12 years. And so we had at the time, brand new baby who was one year old when all this happened. So which was our fifth and so but we had had a very traditional marriage in terms of how we allocated duties. So I it was, you know, I worked she did everything at home, ran the household, ran the kids. I mean, it was like clockwork. Embarrassingly, I had not done a lot of that work. So then when things happened where she was unable to do a lot of that work she had done, it came to me. Now, fortunately, through the whole crisis, part of it, her sisters came. We had a tremendous amount of community support, family support.

It was unbelievable. And so people just from all over just wrap their arms around us and helped us through that. But then once the dust settled, then I was now doing like I joked that I didn't even know how to empty a dishwasher, so then I didn't. And so it was.

But I also pretended I didn't know how to take the trash out. So at all, it all worked.

And it flipped like 100. So now, you know, I'm, you know, doing the dinners, you know, kind of emptying dishwasher, laundry and all those things. But what it gave me was a profound appreciation for all the work that she was doing. As a mom, as a stay at home parent. And so now I definitely appreciate that more than I ever had.

He was so sweet about it, because for the first few months, once a week at least, he just apologized to me and say, Christian, I am so sorry. And I say, what are you talking about? Me? He's like.

I had no idea.

For years I had zero idea of what that was like. Wow. And the other thing he said that was so sweet and I don't know if you remember even saying that, but I tell people all the time is that, you know, often told him how badly I felt that everything fell on the him. And he said, Christian, you know what? You got the first 12 years, I'll get the next. And so that made me feel so much better. Of course, now it's been 12 years.

So it's up for renewal. Yeah.

It's like.

That's pretty funny. I have I guess I have this, kind of obvious question or this is obvious to me. It's so, so cool the way you talk about the, the, the, the the life changing event and how it was almost like it was like. And then this happened in this happened. Did you did you get angry? Did you get upset? Did you get mad at God? Did you get mad at each other? Did you get mad at the doctors like how did you did you have to weather that too? I mean, I think I would be furious and, you know, surely you must have had some version of that as you went through this process.

Well, so, as you all know, Zach, you know, men, the only emotion that they are quote unquote, allowed to experience is anger. Right? And the only emotion that women are allowed to experience is sadness. And I will say that I was very, very sad and I had a lot of grieving to do. But I never really felt angry. And I knew it would have been okay if I had. But I was so thankful for all of the doctors and the nurses and and everybody that helped me let. And I was thankful to Brook. I was so thankful that God, it increased my faith 100 fold. I grew up Christian and thought I knew really what that was all about. But after this happened, that is when I really learned to depend on God. Before this happened, I was I mean, Brooke called me fiercely independent, you know, as in, like, throwing elbows. I'm going to do this myself. Still. Ashley.

But so that was a really big change. But you know it took I think a long time for me to even come to grips with what had happened. When I was in the rehabilitation hospital, all I did was look towards the day that I could come home. And at every hospital I went to you along the way, my family would hang up pictures of the kids, and that was the first thing I saw in the morning, and it kept me going. And it was the last thing I saw at night. And that kept me going. So once I finally got home, I was so excited. But then, like, they carried me into the house and put me on the couch, and that's when I was, you know, looking around and seeing everybody taking care of my kids. And that's when I realized what a burden I would be.

What a burden. Just, like, be on my family forever. And so the hardest part was after I got home, after all the amputations. Wow. The just other difficult part of the whole process. I mean, I had had a tracheotomy and had a feeding tube. I mean, just a lot of things, but those things, as far as the grief part of that did it compared to that,

I think I, I'm maybe still I mean, 11, 12 years into it, it's still is a challenge. And you still have to remember how different things are. It's interesting. You don't get used to the changes, really, or I haven't yet. But in terms of emotion, I would say I got angry for her. And so like because what seemed so unfair was that all the things that she loved and all the things that helped, you know, are, were her identity were stolen from her. She was a a, you know, she qualified for the Boston Marathon. She was a very well-regarded group exercise instructor. I mean, she would snow days. I hated because she would make us do her at home workouts and they killed me. And so and then now you. Things are tough. She's not able to do all the things that she loved and like being a mom was her number one thing.

She loved the carpools, the getting the lunches, the study time, the I mean, she ran this thing, this family like a, like a, you know, I would say like a militant, not military. That sounds harsh, but she was very on top of and.

Finely tuned machine. Yeah.

That's a better.

Oh no, no, I you might be giving me too much.

No. It was, I mean and so, so for me that and for her not to be able to do some of the things that she loved and the things that maybe I don't love as much and get to do them. I think I get angry for her still. Yeah, I would say still. And it's surfaces randomly. It'll just we go through a rhythm and then something will happen and I'm like, that's just not fair.

And that's not fair. I mean, I, I agree with that sentiment for sure.

What does angry Brook look like?

You should describe it. There than there is. I'm afraid that I would couch it in very, very favorable terms. They're probably not objective, so why don't you say?

But she definitely has a temper. I do definitely I it very, very rarely is directed towards me. It's usually like the kids when they're misbehaving or talking back or not appreciating what's being put on the dinner table. Yeah. That's that's kind of where you sometimes can can lose it.

Yeah. That's true.

And you have five children.

Five we have our oldest is we have one son and the rest are daughters. Our oldest is 22, a recent college graduate. And so he's, moved to Charlotte, but he's trying to figure out his next step in terms of of life and grad school. What what he's going to do. Our oldest daughter is a sophomore in college in Kentucky at Center College. The twin daughters are are 17 and they are seniors in high school. So they are going through the whole exploring where they're going to go to college and and then our bonus baby, we like to call her who was one when all of this happened. She's a tween and she is in seventh grade. And, and she you know, it's interesting because she has grown up so differently than the others because, she's been raised by lots of different viewpoints.

And me being one, I'm who I consistency, I wouldn't say is my biggest strength. And and Kristen is very consistent. So she's but she's you know kids adapt and she's just developing into this really fun spunky very bright. But also empathetic.

She's still so sweet. I like her. I just want a hug armor and not let go because I know that any day now, she's going to turn on me. I mean, they all do. Yeah. I mean, I've got four teenage girls right now. Yeah. You know, and can't really. The hardest part of this whole process was that when I got sick and went into the hospital, she was 13 months old. She wasn't walking yet. She wasn't talking yet. When I got home, she was a toddler and running around, and she, you know, was just a different kid. And she was also a different kid that didn't remember me. And on top of that, she was terrified of me.

Yeah.

And for good reason. I mean, I was scary looking. I was really, really sick. And I had some nasty wounds, but I had to work really hard for for her to know me and love me like.

I'd love to jump in with a story that I think is beautiful and I think it speaks a lot to her character, is she knew from us training and developed child development and all of that. About the importance of the initial form attachment, attachment testing.

Yeah.

So she when she shouldn't have I mean physically that she slept on the floor by Chinese crib so that when Jeannie would wake up or something, she would be there and she did it consistently and she knew all those things where which was been such a blessing is that really did work.

Because I just knew that the way babies attach is that they know their mom's voice and the other moms smell, and how she touches them, and she wouldn't come near me. Like if someone tried to put her on my lap, she would scream bloody murder. So I just decided, you know what? If she won't be around me during the daytime, then as soon as she falls asleep, I'm going to crawl in there. You know, I learned to you, you know, with my broken little lamb. Kind of push her past over to her in the middle of the night and things like that. I also, we used to take her on walks and Brooke would, you know, we would start out, Brooke would be pushing the stroller and, you know, she would kind of peel off so that she didn't realize he was leaving.

And so then I would keep going and I would talk to her and I would sing, you her, and we would look for the yellow flowers and things like that. But it it was a long haul, and I did. I cried myself to sleep many nights. Did not think that she will ever love me again. Yeah. And the ironic part is, as the youngest, like I joked that like, she's the only one that loves me and I'm totally teasing. Yeah, but, you know, as as the other girls and and my son were teenagers, she was still this little, sweet little eight year old, you know, bopping around. And I have I've really enjoyed her in a way that I don't know that I've had before.

Time to enjoy the other kids. Or perhaps I didn't. I just didn't appreciate it anymore. And as I didn't appreciate it with them as much as I have appreciated the ability to be there with her, I realize what a gift it is to be able to help people and to be able to take care of people. And so a lot of the things that parents gripe about, you know, like all the laundry and walking them to the bus stop at 6 a.m. and signing all their reading logs and things like that, I don't have to talk about, oh, I have to do this, and I have to do that. I talk about I get to do and I worked really hard to be able to walk again. And I was so happy to be able to walk them to the bus stop.

You know, like, heck yeah. I'm walking you to the bus.

Yeah, yeah. And I walked and I worked really hard to learn how to sign my name again. I said, yeah, heck yeah, I'm gonna sign all the reading logs. Yeah. So it has just been kind of a different experience. All of our kids are super independent, I would say as well. Yeah. You know, they they all kind of learned how to cook because I made them like, okay, everybody gets one night a week and you get to figure out what you want to have, tell me what to buy at the store. And then either help me to get a cookie yourself, you know, so they learned how to pack their own lunches and do their own laundry long before other kids, especially here in 2025. You know, so, my hope is that that independence will serve them well. And also that already is. They've learned how to help me so much of the time.

Yeah. There's not a choice in the matter. So my hope is that as they move forward in life, they will be able to and will want to help everyone.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, for them particularly. What was your youngest name? What was her name?

Jeannie.

Jeannie. Like Jeannie doesn't have a before and after right version of mom's limbs. And this is actually a question I want to ask a little bit because it's the headline, right? Mom lost her mom had a traumatic health event that cost her limbs. But it's not the whole story. It's it's there's more to your overall marriage story. Your kids, if I ask them, tell me about your parents. Tell me about your parents marriage. Tell me about your your mom and dad. Like what? What would they say? Would they start with? My mom lost her hands and feet. Or which do they have? Another version of the story that's more grounded in kind of what is versus what was versus, you know what I mean?

That is no question.

I ask my clients all the time, every time I when I'm getting to know a couple for the first time. And I learned that they have kids and they tell me the couple will tell me about themselves like, okay, cool, what would Jenny tell me? Like what.

Would definitely say that the kids, like, are disgusted if they see us kissing. Like, if we want them to leave us alone. We like to pretend to like, you know, get on top of each other and stuff. I mean, I.

Would, I would say we've always been affectionate, so I would hope that, I mean, and sometimes, you know, it's it's interesting how the norms of dating with teenagers are so different now. And sometimes I'm wondering, you know, what? Because we model relationship to them and just wonder how that how our relationship is impacted, you know, their views on dating and stuff. But I would say we've we've always been affectionate and, do nice things for each other. And like anytime we go out of town, that one either leaves a note for the other one. And they've seen that, I don't know the impact it had, on them, but. And we don't find a lot publicly. I mean, like, or in front of them, I try not, so maybe we'll disagree, but I don't I don't know if that resonates with them or they realize that, you know, a lot of couples have really significant arguments in front of their kids.

We haven't done that. Now. That is in no way are we saying our marriage is is perfect, and we definitely have our share of disagreements. I'm just not sure that they've seen that.

Or definitely not a couple that ever raise our voices. And truly, we we really just haven't thought much in our marriage. Yeah. I, you know, I don't think we ever had a fight, really? Until we had a child. Yeah. So.

Which was pretty quickly into the marriage. It's like one year, but,

I thought it was going to take us a long time to get pregnant because so many of, you know, so many people in the world. And one of my sisters, I've had a hard time getting pregnant. So I said, you know, she probably like, go off the pill, you know, kind of because it could take a long time. 28 years later. Yeah.

Here I am thinking, I had all this time and, but, so I.

I didn't mean to track them.

Yeah. We, we've pretty much always been pretty smitten with each other, but but to another thing, though, is that the relationship did change with this. Like one of the things that drew us together. It both of us are independent and like our own space, like we're not the couple that they we have to do every single thing together. You know, she's not riding the golf cart when I go to play golf or anything like that, and that's always worked for us. That doesn't necessarily work for other people. I think there are other couples that they want to. They have to be around each other all the time.

I think maybe a lot of that was because when we were, well, we started dating, it was about a month before I was to leave town to go to a different town, to to give it back. And so the entire time that we were dating and even engaged, it was long distance. And so we, you know, got all.

Of long distance before, long distance before texting and FaceTiming and, you know.

That's right. Exactly.

And so I would say that we still we love I do my thing. She does her thing. We do our things. But we've had to though adapt now because it's fine talking about rules now I've gotten more active. Like I love to, to work out in like pickleball and tennis and golf and all these things. And I think in some ways she she was always doing that before. And now it's, it's harder.

Yes. I used to be pretty obsessed.

Oh yeah. Yeah. And now it's. Yeah.

Yeah yeah.

And so but and I think that that's hard and that's an adjustment on her part. You know as well.

That is definitely hard. Yeah. It is hard for me to watch him get to do some pretty amazing things that I can't do. Yeah certainly. I mean I don't begrudge him that. I wanted to do it. I'm thrilled for him to do it. But it has been something, even just in the past year or two. Yeah, it we have really put some intentional, you know, effort into figuring out what can we do together for fun.

Yes.

Because that's what you do. What do you do together? Well, we've.

Been we're still we're not like so we trying to find like, for instance, to travel. So we're, you know, it's hard though, with five kids in college and all that stuff. So trying to to plan a trip that we can do together.

Like maybe a cruise where it's not as much walking. Yeah. Like that. Whereas if this hadn't happened, I mean, we scuba dived on our honeymoon. Yeah. I mean, we were we're always active together. And so that has that it's been a little bit of a struggle.

And a lot of our friends like my friends like they'll play, maybe they'll do pickleball together, like the couples and stuff, and we can't do that. And so I think that that can be frustrating for me because I want us to be able to do it, but just physically, it's not possible. But it does set the intention of date night. Really? She decided she was going to learn more about beer. I love beer, and so she we'd get our libraries. Are we like together movies?

I used to hate beer.

I used to hate beer. And now she.

Oh, one year for our anniversary. I gave him this, like a a map of all the breweries in North Carolina. And I said, I think that we're going to start knocking these out because I'm gonna learn to like beer. And the last three guidance hyenas, I went, how's that going? I went to lunch with my family, and I got a beer, and everyone was like, who are you? What are you, dumb? Like, yeah, right.

But those are the you know, we were also talking about taking, like, a class together, like a creative writing class.

You know, the side that.

We sign up for it and it's, we we.

Didn't actually get.

In doing. But but you know, those things, I think take time. Like, you know, we can we're still evolving in that that part.

We, you know, we there's a couple of museums here in Charlotte to that, we like to go to comedy clubs. Sure.

But for concerts.

Yeah.

There's this thing that you said that Brooke can do things that, Kristen can't do. Kristen, are there things that you can do that Brooke can't do? Like, have you discovered that, the side of it that this.

She kicks my butt in Scrabble? Still, I was hoping the traumatic brain injury. But, like, leveled the playing field, but it didn't.

And.

I haven't been hidden. Guess I guess is my question like in this question.

Yeah, well, certainly it's it's been, a hidden gift of just how much more I appreciate things. You know, I mentioned my kids earlier and how I appreciate being here for that. I also appreciate my marriage. I, you know, I tend to work a lot, and there's a lot of reasons for that. One is that I adore what I do. I'm so lucky. I mean, I've had people in this world truly love their work.

I know one, I know one thing that you can do. So one thing is that I love speaking and I'm a pastor as well. And so I love public speaking. I always thought it would be fun to do that type of stuff, and then was and she never had an interest in doing that. Well, now, because of this, she's become a pretty sought after motivational speaker. And so that would have been something I would. And she just appreciates it. And, and will, you know, she hasn't promoted as much as maybe she's I.

Don't like it as much as I like and.

See I would have loved. And so now she does that and does it really really well. So that's that's an interesting thing that's evolved from it.

That is true. I, I that kind of I kind of just happened into it. I went to talk to this like moms group that I had been in and I, you know, kind of learned, like, hey, I can actually be funny and I can, you know, he was the funny one, right? Yeah. Yeah. I have a very dark sense of humor. And quick, tell me about Twitter, the link for that. I have a lot more material for my dark. Yeah.

Well, I actually wanted to ask about that because I, you know, I grew up in the era of what do you call a guy with no arms and no legs jokes, you know, like, do you do you know these jokes and do you they're funny, but, you know, then you meet somebody who's, like, lost their limbs. Do you have, humor about. And around this I do.

And it catches people ask art a lot as like, I have done to the eye doctor. And this was pretty soon after I, I kind of come back to life or whatever. And I'm gotten in his, like, special, you know, chair that you get an insult and the look in your eye. And it came time for me to, like, get up off of that chair. And I think maybe I was still in a weird wheelchair then. And he says, can I give you a hand? And I just, like, didn't miss a beat and said, actually, I need to you I be amazing. Yeah. And like, he winked at me and just one of like his hands and feet and crawl into the ground.

But I would say we were probably would have been more offended prior to that. Like if we have one of those jokes prior all this happened, we probably then like, okay, that's not very funny.

And now now my scarabs and their friends like love them too. Yeah, yeah, there's a lot of them because people say, oh, you have five kids. She has your hands full. Yeah. If only I had him. Yeah. Or you know, I'll say, oh, you know, I really I can't really I don't have a, a hand on that side, you know, I don't even have a land. Like I say, like a stand on, you know? Yeah. So I definitely, you know, I guess that's a cross between a dad joke and a, you know, just dark humor type thing.

Well, it just feels like it needs to be in a critical part of it. Any recovery process is that you find the humor in the tragedy like it. It seems like that is required. Or else you're you're just going to build resentment, I would imagine. I mean, so I don't know what comes first. I don't know if, like, humor comes first and then recovery or if recovery comes first and then humor. But, it's certainly a question I have, particularly if, again, you're not going to be a professional victim about kind of the hand there it is, the hand that go.

That's the answer down the hand. Yeah, yeah. I think it happened really simultaneously. Yeah. Grief kind of happens and waves and humor happens in waves, too. You know, one thing that I tend to do when I'm giving a talk is, you know, there are parts of my story that are touching and even tear jerking, but I don't leave any audience in that sadness for long because I just follow it with the jet. You know, I'll talk about how they did my amputation and surgery all at once. They got the best hand doctor and the best foot doctor, and then I'll, you know, I'll be talking about how much it hurt. And I'll say, you know, it's kind of like a mini petty Thanksgiving all at the same time, you know, and I think the other part of it is the more comfortable I am around my disability, I think the more comfortable other people are.

Like when I am the client is right there in the first session, I will say, okay, I'm just going to go and talk about this elephant in the room. And I don't know if when you came to see me, you knew that I was disabled, but all that usually I can tell. You can tell somebody's eyes when they walk in the door. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Yeah. But I just talk about it straight out because otherwise there's never they'll be wondering and and that's a distraction from counseling.

I think it would be really funny to do. Like I'm going to go ahead and talk about the elephant in the room. Just because I know you're wondering, yes, I'm Catholic.

Yeah.

Or. Yeah. Yeah. I, you know, I, I am.

You know, it's like when people say, oh you're pregnant when your, what are you do and now what, what do you mean I'm not pregnant. Yeah. No. Like when I'm nine months pregnant. Yeah yeah yeah.

What do you, what would you say is the or is there a unique thing that your disability brings to your counseling practice. Is does it are they connected or is it just incidental beyond that first moment?

Sure. Well, I think there's a couple things, you know, with individuals that come in and, you know, they have all kinds of hardships and things that have happened to them and things they struggle with. I like to think that when they walk in, they can see that I'm not pretending to be perfect or a perfect life. They can see, you know, my struggles. They can see when I drop a pen that it takes a minute. And so my hope is that they think, well, you know, if she can handle what what she can handle, you know, there must be some secret. Maybe she'll tell me, you know. Yeah. And then I think when I do work with couples, I do have a unique perspective to marriage because I can 100% relate to the, you know, primary caregiver and how, you know, they feel like they're alone and, and things and, you know, talking about chores and who does them all.

I can relate to that. But I can also relate to being the provider. You know, there is so much pressure on the, you know, in a single income family, there's a lot of pressure on the income, you know, earner because that's not to cover, you know, am I going to lose my job and I, am I going to be able to, you know, make enough money to do this or to do that? I think that for a piece to tell me about that, and I don't think I appreciated it. But then we got to a point where he was he had become a pastor, which was a second career for him. And, you know, I had gone back to work by that point, and I finally understood it. So I do think that I can speak to couples in an objective and unbiased way, and I can relate to both sides.

You understand the dynamics on both sides, I think.

Sure, I'm sure it's not a a question.

I suppose so I mean, I'm always just interested. I mean, I think, I think people need to appreciate that everyone is flawed, you know, in some people's flaws or just right, right out in front of them. It's just like right, right there on the surface. And I think it's helpful particularly to know that, like in your case, that you have a flaw, we'll call it, that is unimaginable for a lot of people to then give them permission to imagine being healthy, being connected, being successful, being happy, being grateful is a gift. Because sometimes people don't have enough of their own imagination to do that. So, I think that's a definite.

Like yes people perspective. Yeah, yeah.

What do you say before too, about how you said your, chunk are very visible? Yeah. Where some folks are not.

There's a lot of the people that come to see me, you know, I don't have depression stamped on your forehead. Yeah. Or. Yeah, I'm a victim of domestic violence. And in so many ways, people are so kind to me. They give me a pass on so much, you know? Yeah. My house is messy. As if my handwriting isn't perfect. Yeah, or if I'm late, which, unfortunately, I often am. People give me a pass because they know that it probably took me a lot to get out the door.

Right? If you have chronic anxiety, you don't get. Yeah.

You know, wouldn't it? Yeah. Great world if everybody got that pass. Yeah, yeah. You know when somebody cuts you off from traffic, if we say, gosh, you know, that person must really be in a rush. Yeah. You know, so and I'm not saying that, you know, everybody should be able to do that all the time. Do you.

Drive.

Can you drive I do.

Yeah. So I mean, even to.

Imagine I'm on the right.

Well even to imagine that right. Somebody cuts me off and I go, oh, that person may have lost both of their limbs in a tragic health crisis a dozen years ago. And, you know, like, we don't know what people are carrying around. So I think that's an interesting perspective for sure.

I remember one time she, was had parked in the handicapped parking. And so when she wears, like, jeans and stuff like that, you know, from far away, it's not super noticeable. And someone, I think maybe made a comment about her parking in there and she's like, really? And then when she kind of.

Chair around and like, space on my hand.

And then the prosthetic.

I think they felt bad after that. Yeah.

That's just another example to you of how people don't understand disability, right? You're parking in a handicapped spot. That must mean that you have to get a wheelchair out of the back of your car or something. So many of us are. So many people have disabilities that are in fact hidden or that just are not mainstream. So I really appreciate that you guys are, Well, it's kind of hard to be. I wouldn't try to not be upfront about it, but that it's just a central part of your story and that you've made so much out of it. So, I'm grateful that you shared it with us. And if we wanted to hire you as a speaker or wanted to learn more about what you're up to, how do we how do we do that? How do we stay connected to you guys?

Sure. Yeah. I have a website. It's just my name. So Kristen seaford.com. And so that's how people can get to me, whether it's for counseling or speaking. Yeah. And you know, a lot I also do a lot of, like, peer support for people, having amputations. And so people somehow across the country find to me and say, hey, I have a sister who just lost her hands. Can you call her? Can you? You know, and I love to do that and. Oh, that's cool. Me, And you know, someone came to visit me when I was in the hospital, and they showed me kind of that it's possible to live full. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. And, Brooke, do you have that same invitation? Like, if if there's a spouse out there who's struggling to kind of figure out how to adapt, or do you also kind of open up your story and your support mechanism to them, or is that something you tend to hold a little more closely?

I would I would be happy to do that for sure. I don't think I don't think anyone has ever really asked me, but I would absolutely be. It would be a privilege to be able to do something like that.

That's another thing though, is that people don't talk about what it's like for the caregiver. Yeah. And yeah, I would it wasn't just me that this happened to you. Yeah. But yeah. And, I can also imagine the how hard it is, how hard it would be to watch the person that you love most in this world. As they go through this, like, what was it like my cousins. So, yeah, eight, eight hour surgery. What was it like for for you to imagine what was going on in the operating room?

Yeah, I can't even wrap my head around it. My wife's having. And Cole ask me tomorrow, and I'm like, oh, my gosh, I don't, you know, please. Yeah, it's a half hour. Doesn't take any time at all. It's like.

I'm like prepping.

For no.

I know, and, she is miserable right now. Oh well, listen, thanks so much for coming on the show. And, I'm really glad to hear more of your story. And, just really, I'm actually just sharing in your gratitude for the process of navigating something. So, so challenging and then coming out on the other side with something like, I don't want to quite say triumph, but something like, like, I don't know, success or whatever you might label it. How would you label it? Do you have a word for it?

One thing that I do say is that I don't feel like I'm a a good mom or a good wife or a good counselor, despite what happened to me. But in so many ways, I. And those things because of. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, I love that for you. All right, well, listen, thanks for coming on. It was good to meet you both. And if I can, be helpful to either of you in any way, I hope you'll let me know.

Thank you for saying.

Yeah.